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February 10, 2006: Damned Viagra Head!
I went today with my husband to the Veteran's Hospital. It was time to check out that heart problem a bit further. I was NOT going into the room where they "nuke" my husband, bring his heart up to racing speed and watch it like a movie, so I went to wait. I went to a "smoking area," a little gazebo with benches that seemed nice. There were two men there, obviously patients and one had a walker, was a bit bald, wore his pants too high, (you all know that look?) and looked as if he shined his about 64 year old head. The other gentleman was a black man, a bit younger and we both nodded to each other, this black man and myself because we both had identifying clothing on that said we worked with music. One knows one’s tribe. The round, Viagra man was a white man, but I don't think it makes much difference. He did. He told me he was French within his first paragraph. I told him I was French/Italian.
He told me, in his words about his "problems with my penis." He told me that he had stones at one time and some were so big…you get it. It was like childbirth to pass them, all of the usual. I was by now wishing I had stayed and decided to bear up and watched P get nuked! This man was very forth coming about his "area down there," and the other two of us were not enjoying the stories. Then he started in on me. He used his worn out pick up lines to get the stats. on me. In other words, he tried to find out what he needed to know: Will she listen to my mouth shoot off cause that's all I have left!" Ah, then my husband appears! Hooray! He is tall, my husband, and had dark hair, and is not 66, or even 64, so it helped greatly. We were also joined by an older man, probably nearing 60, with a large girth, although he wore it very well, and a beard that was gray. He wore his had down on his eyes. I could tell he had read a few books.
The subject turned to music when another black guy joined us and we talked about our favorite musicians, I speaking about my respect for Taj Mahal, with whom I have had the pleasure of spending a show with. I told the other musicians that I once had George Clinton call and I could NOT understand him! I told them he was SO funky that I couldn't make out what he was saying! They told me that he was probably stoned at the time and told me a story of him, (George,) stoned and funny.
Lastly, the first musician told me a hilarious story, after I told him one similar, of how he was getting to a gig in a twin engine, which we use often to jump to shows, and he had "lit up," the pilot! When we take twin engines to go to gigs it is usually because they are LARGE, outside and a few hundred miles away. The rehearsal was usually at the miles away location… Most of the time there is so much equipment strapped to that poor plane, your life flashes before your eyes. Someone almost always loses a guitar or part of a drum set while en route. Anyway, this musician was angry with their pilot for being stoned and not landing. It seemed he had flown around and around the runway and would not land. My new friend said he popped his cigarette into the man's Afro and the pilot freaked out so much, he put the plane down where they were, in a field! I was laughing pretty loud and remembering disasters! My bearded friend said that the thing he thought was good about the Afro's of old was the respect. (He himself was Irish, he said.) I respected his statement and nodded to him. He seemed pretty cool and told me he was an anthropologist. And so I left. Through out, Viagra man, with his walker, tried to engage me in conversation and I politely listened to his long, drug out lectures about, yes, his "penis problems." I am NOT kidding. I would listen, when he took in air I would ask another person a question. At one point, Viagra man said to my husband: "You’re over all that jealousy stuff, right?" My husband replied, through his radioactive body, poor guy, "well, no." LOL And so I returned to this bench area one last time when my husband went back for a "reading." He was there, only him, the "Viagra Man." I did not see him until it was too late, I SWEAR! This is what he said, in his words to me: "I’m a Scorpio." (NO, I did NOT ask him.) "We're horney little basterds!" My wife left me 7 years ago" (he paused a moment.) Then he said, "a year later, I asked my doctor to check my testosterone level." "The doctor told me I had enough testosterone for a thirty five year old man!" And then he said, "I swear, it
OKAY. I have been a LOT of places! A whole lot! I spend no day all at home! NEVER have I heard something like this. I stood up when he said next, "Where’s your man?" I said, "He’s about done." Then I looked back at him and said, "You said O N L Y a 35 year old man?
I told my husband and his doctor straight away, I thought it was shocking and gross and I wanted a bath! My husband said to his doctor: "There, you see?" "You give um Viagra and it never ends!" That's no Sh*t! (But then again, Viagra man told me he had a problem with that too! I'm home now. The coast is clear. God save me from Viagra.