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March 20, 2006:    OUR VETERANS -- AN ARTIST'S VIEW ( See Reader's Response )

To others, those not artists, the view of our military veterans could differ completely from mine, however, I have spoken to many who work with veterans. Many agree with my feelings and many that are actual veterans agree with me as well. I am no expert, but I have qualifications while writing my feelings here: I am married to a retired, career military man. This said, one may think I am a "military wife," but that is not so. My husband retired a scarce three years after we married, although we have known each other since childhood.

Today, I am at a Veteran's hospital with my husband who needs some tests. I accompanied him at his request; it seems that treatment in these institutions can be offensive, uncomfortable, and even scary. I am here with my husband, a tall man, 6'4", in good shape weighing 188.7 lbs., as I just saw on the scale, but with a questionable heart. We are out of place. He is cleanly dressed, with his hair cut, and his shoes are clean. His clothes are clean and he seems to have the thinnest wife in the hospital as I scan this room of 35 to 40 people, and we left a room of more than this after tests were done.

There, where the test was done, a young woman who works here full time told us that she works with majority, men. This veterans hospital has a "women's clinic," and so the sexes are separated, but spouses often accompany each other in this setting. Many spouses are "care-takers," of their wounded husbands. Here, in a Veteran's hospital with John McCain's eye upon it, there are no young and wounded veterans that I have seen yet, and I have visited here many times. I wonder where the newly wounded are treated. The young woman told us that "the worst to deal with are the men between 50 and 60. Okay, I thought, why?

That would be Vietnam vet's by my calculations. She said they were the rudest age group when it came to dealing with her a woman, who happens to have the job of doing EKG's. She sticks "stickys" on men's chests all day long, she would know, I think. As I accompany my husband, I see much flirting going on between technicians that are woman and the men. I suppose this makes things more comfortable. I also have my ass stared at so much that I keep it to the wall everywhere I go within 15 to 20 min. after I arrived. "Boys will be boys?" I think not. I am with my husband.

What I am wearing does not matter, please, take your eyes off my ass! I tell this to the young technician, I say, "There are only so many times one can handle your ass being stared at!"

These guys stare without shame. You can be talking to your spouse, for example, I to mine, which is, as I said, tall, thin and handsome, yet they will stare WITH his knowledge. All he can do is get up to give you his chair to cover your poor butt. He can't ATTACK a fellow vet, the man might be sick, besides "leave no man behind," has been hammered into his head so hard, it will never leave. The loyalty to the military is so ingrained in a vet's head that not even a year of ECT shocks could remove it. It is sad in a way.

This loyalty is sad as my husband watches the interviews recently with the young men on the front lines and behind. My husband, a Gulf Vet, has an idea of where these young dudes are. Have you heard their language? Have you caught the sound bites from these young men? The rap songs they write? The attitude they display? It makes my husband shake his head and it makes me sick.

The vet's at this hospital say, "There are always a few bad apples." My husband had the unfortunate interest to view the photo's recently released of the tortured prisoners in Abu Prison.

After viewing them, I can only describe his face and language as sickened, embarrassed and disappointed. He told me that those that did the torture had to be "sick." He tells me "there is no way I could have done that even if it was a direct order," and my husband had a job description that meant some life and death action, all the time, any time. He, in fact, had some of his humanity lost and replaced by therapy, but he could not abide what he saw.

What's up here?

As I sit among these veterans and look around at them and they stare at me, (I don't fit in here anymore than anywhere else,) I see a cross section of people with one thing in common, they are tired. They are all tired, the vet's, their caretakers, and their loved ones. They are heartbreakingly tired and there is a feeling of hopelessness. The statistics are, I am told that after retirement, life expectancy is five years. Five years after a life of defending people, and staying ready. What are we doing here?

We have a whole new set of rapping, quick-mouthed, and in many cases, plucked from poverty veterans that will some day fill the very rooms I describe. Will the nurses, like the one I met today say something about those that are age's ________ to _________? And what will they say?

The question is too big for me. To understand what is our military is too big for me to understand as a lifetime artist. I am at the hospital because my husband must go and I feel not a part of it all. The question I have after the one above is why does he not feel part of it all either and do any of these vets feel a kinship?

The only thing I have heard them all do is talk about the same problems, and the problems are serious, from "Gulf war syndrome", to the forgotten Vietnam vets. I see one thing that I CAN understand and take in, I see loneliness in each of their eyes, and I don't know why.

My husband's comments:

"These men feel that they are useless and "used up." They feel disrespected and "discarded," by the country that drilled into them loyalty and told them that they would "take care of them and their families for the rest of their lives."

He calls the room, "The waiting room for death."

Somehow, we must give these men and women an idea that their talents, knowledge and personal traits are needed by us, civilians NOW, at this time, even if they are not in uniform for ungodly hours daily and nightly as they were in what they consider their life, and the last important thing they will do.

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Reader's Response:

Hi Annalisa,

What bothers me too is that we send money allover the place but we don't take care of home first. There is absolutely NO reason ANY Vet should not be treated well and be given the best medical care for their service to our country. Why are so many of the homeless Vietnam Vets too? It's inexcusable. I know too that the Gov't certainly doesn't go out of the way to publicize what benefits their are either. My husband's Dad was career Army and his Mom shops at the Commissary but for the longest time did not realize she was entitled to get meds for free. Of course no one is going to call and tell spouses of what they are entitled too either. Being on a fixed income, once she found out she saved a lot of money.

The other week, my husband and I went out to eat and saw an elderly couple next to us and the old man had on a cap with the armed forces--I think he had been a Marine--and all the awards he won and we both smiled at him with respect--hubby wanted to salute him! I think today's youth do not have the same respect for Vets that was taught to children in my generation and it's a shame.

-Colleen Shelnut

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Reply: Hi Colleen! I always try to say to Vet’s "Thank you for your service." It seems to get my point across. Thank you for your reply!

Annalisa

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Thanks. I think your answer is what I will say from now on---"Thank you for your service"---that's great.

WW2 vets are a soft spot especially because of my Dad being in the Navy. I have always regretted not joining after High School like I wanted to. Then later on I considered the Coast Guard---I have the utmost respect for them--they are awesome! The courage to rescue people at sea like they do is inspiring. Of course I would've been reprimanded for jumping over to swim with whales!!! I can't help it! I adore them!

I miss my hometown because there are no Memorial Day parades here and that stinks. We had our little parades in each town on Long Island and I'd always go with my Dad and cheer them. I know where my Dad is buried-Calverton-they always have Boy Scout troops put flags on all the graves. Here, we take our son to put them on my husband's Dad's grave and hubby always has extra ones to mark any soldiers graves who don't have one--and he also puts them Rebel ones on his Confederate graves! He's a re-enactor incase we never mentioned it! It's funny--I deliberately bought a Union keppie and wore it in their camp and they were ready to tar and feather me! But, I am their "token Yankee" so they won't beat me up! Now that is a war that disturbs me---brother against brother. A mess, a disgrace, a waste of so many lives-STUPID! It's all very fascinating history though and I love Gen. Lee--he was a true gentleman. I toured Gettysburg ages ago and without realizing how haunted it is, I felt them all there and a smothering feeling of sadness. That war is the one that bugs the crap out of me and I hate seeing movies of it---I watch them & all but when all the shooting goes on it's disturbing to see Americans shooting at eachother and some were just boys. At least we taught our son to respect soldiers--he puts flags on their graves and when he sees soldiers in uniform he's all excited & impressed.

I'm a flag-waver at parades! My Dad always made sure the flag was out on any day to honor Vets. I am very patriotic but am not a blinded "my country does no wrong" American. We're not perfect and there's a lot of poverty and suffering here in the "land of plenty"--which I am disgusted by. I am a definite flag-waver when we get attacked though!! I LOVE that Toby Keith song "Angry American!!!" I hope Osama has heard that!

-Hugs,

Colleen Shelnutt

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