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April 7 , 2006:     I’m not into that whole fashion and style thing, what a waste of money!"

"I’m not into that whole fashion thing, those chicks are insecure, high maintenance, and egotistical."

How many times have I heard this? Over and over. Let me share with you those whom I have heard say this and why I feel they are liars.

I just read a wench’s fashion column raving over the "anorexic model," who was "whoring," by doing an ad for a company. She decided these facts based upon the following: The woman was thin, she was the model used for the ad and she was wearing high heeled boots, that the writer said, "Put women back many years in our liberation," and she even projected that the model would surely have "an anorexic daughter," in the future who would be looking at the ad.

Excuse me? Why are we who are thin "anorexic?" I went to a dinner the other night and a woman stopped me as I was leaving and shook my hand and said, "It was a pleasure to meet a woman as thin as I." Yes, we must bond, I have said that before…

Let’s address those folk who "don’t’ go into that "fashion thing," and think it is "stupid and a waste of money." They also think us conceited, that is, those of us who openly care about our clothes. Do you know who at least 50% of them are? The are Suburban types who drive SUV’s and who wear "sweat suits." Call me stupid but don’t those SUV’s hog roads, eat gas and put out more bad air than about 1000 packs of cigarettes? Does she care what freakin’ color her SUV is? Did she just say, " I’ll take any color, ok?" Nope. When she buys that sweatshirt, does she pick a color or blindly reach into a stack of them at K-Mart or Wal-Mart and take any color she touches? I think NOT. I think she DOES look at the color! I think she might have fallen for that silly, "Have your colors done," too, to see if she is a "winter," or a "summer."

What does her house look like? A mishmash of colors with no regard for aesthetic? I think not. Do you think she allows young children to play at will on her new sofa with out thinking, "that damned brat is going to stain my sofa!" She DOES go in for "that stuff." Some how, some where, that woman, and that man are about what it looks like to others.

Even making the fashion statement, "I hate fashion," is caring about what you wear, isn’t it? Yes, it is a big job to dress as if you don’t care. (After all, isn’t Grrrr-Animals color-coded?) Isn’t Martha at K-mart concerned with what matches and what doesn’t? Martha, the cheap women’s drama queen is all ABOUT what goes with what. (Personally, I would not TOUCH a "Martha" product and if I did, I would wash my hands if I knew. This is nothing about Martha herself, whom I think is a very, very smart woman, she just isn’t my style. I will just say this: I watched a movie about Martha in jail and for Christmas she made cranes to tie up on the ceiling. I was horrified. Not because of any religious message, but because, well, cranes are not the prettiest thing in the world. What’s for Valentines Day at the prison, deer? Dear are beautiful, but paper ferrets?

When one goes looking for "vintage," or though those Goodwill stores, does one consider color? Do they care if the pants fit or do they get a rope and hold them up? I mean, PLEASE? Who are you fooling? You may not care what you slop on your face and hate make-up, but that gravy is perfect, isn’t it? I’ll bet the homemade frosting is perfect too! That soap you use on your skin instead of VERY expensive brands, do you just pick what you see and roll that grocery cart along? I KNOW some of these women, and I’d say the soap most chosen is Dove. Why? Because Dove said it "won’t dry your face." Uh huh. Soap will dry your face no matter how much it cost or where it comes from. Cream will not. BUT, will that cheap cream you use because you think that 150.00-dollar Crème de la Mer, will not work any better make your fact soft? No, it won’t. We must moisturize from with in. We must remember the power of the mind, if one believes it enough, it can indeed become true. (Drink your water, everyone.) In fact, if you want to help your face stay soft, all you can do from the outside is this: After you wash your face, while it’s a bit wet, apply some cream. Some with petroleum would be best, or the dermatologist’s favorite: Crisco. Yes, that’s Crisco, fat-laden, greasy and white, (not to mention cheap as hell, Crisco.) Of you heard that here first, you’re welcome for the tip.)

Okay, now lets compare the mortgage payment of my Loft to your home? That home Suburbanites always strive for? I win, mine is lower. Let’s compare the walking I do in the city to the gas there SUV is sucking up when they drive down the road two blocks for more beer. How about the payment on their vehicles compared to my payment on my Vesper. Ha! My loft will only house a dinner party for about 6 people, and that is tight, if you are going to dance. How many can her house entertain? NOW, I think I am winning already as a consumer, or the "fat American." MY clothes last all my life. MY coat is a classic. It cost me 3200.00, 5 years ago. I have another that cost me 1500.00 about 15 years ago, an Opera coat, it is stunning. How many coats has she bought in 15 years? Did hers go "out of style," and she swore all the way to Ann Taylor to buy another?

DON’T tell ME you don’t care about fashion! You DO care, and you do watch what color something is, but you put that big fat money into things that show your neighbors that you are "winning." That big screen TV? I don’t have room for one, but I MIGHT make room and catch up with these women! Wow, I will be watching art films and they will be watching, well… Example: One woman I know, two children, one 16, or 17 and one 14 saw Johnny Depp, in the THEATER 5 times and once or twice in the drive in? Are you kidding me? Was it for her children? No, she told me "That Johnny Depp is just SO cute, I can’t resist him!"

I agree, but in "Benny and Joon," in my personal taste, not as the A-sexual pirate who thrilled both young boys and girls alike, (and it seems a few soccor moms,) enough to buy those tickets again, and again. Honey that is way more than my 26.00-dollar lipsticks cost, no?

(This same example took her 13-year-old son to another state, two states away to visit his girlfriend, the whole family went, after all, it could be true love!

Please. I disgust you? You disgust me. I must correct that last statement. You don’t disgust me, but you are mean. You stare at me and hit your husband if he looks, but I don’t hit my husband if he looks ad your SUV! (He’s not looking with admiration though.)

My message is clear here, I believe. Leave us alone who dress, whether we like to dress artsy, Goth, with designer labels everywhere, or in 200-dollar jeans. The fact is that out designer clothes are not only unique to look at, but they have, sometimes MORE resale value than your SUV! Check E-bay.

Now we should have an understanding that SOMEWHERE, everyone cares what it looks like. Somewhere in every life there is an over expenditure. Some place in everybody’s world, there is a pattern and matching colors on this or that.

And this is because we all care about the "fashion and style stuff," we just need a bit of tolerance. Understanding what makes a woman spend 2000 dollars on one purse, is easy for me. Understanding why a person wants an SUV will puzzle me forever, (I can’t get in and out without watching my heels, my dress, and what have you.) I don’t understand why a person needs to change their décor from summer to winter or even why they need to use good or "everyday china," I use the good china, everyday, but that also, is my style.

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