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June 15 , 2006 :   When students grow up, life is sweet

My students are growing up, in fact, most of them are adults now. The youngest student I had is now 18, and this is, for me, a landmark in my life! I am thrilled, amazed and horrified in turn!

I am seeing, speaking and re-connecting to my former dance students and I see that they were who they would be, then. I love to hear them, to talk to them and to see their “grown up,” photos.

I taught dance for awhile, until I went into performance, choreography with “grown up dancers,” and directing full time. When teaching I complained, I had my heart in my throat, and I felt everything a parent feels as I watch what I called “my dancers.” In fact, I had one company that were much like my own children at times when they spent much time in my home, or if their parents were traveling, lived with me for awhile, or it would be I that picked them up from things and dropped them off.

I cried for some children when their parents hurt them. I cried for some when they broke through something in their way that they never thought they would get past and I cried when they were hurt by the “life monster,” made itself known in their lives. I had some in a company from the age of 13 till 18! They were my family, my children for the time they were with me and when you are a dance company, you ARE a family, each of them bonded to each other by a thing so close as to be”counts,” in piece of music, 1,2,3,4,5,6, 7, anddddddd 8! They were that close. They were different from each other in every way, most of them, but they were also bonded like twins for the hours of class, rehearsal and even for costuming.

Imagine the group of children trying to spin on one toe three times instead of the 2 that they do so well… They tell the whole class: “I’m gong for 3! They all respond to that student with, “Awright!” or “You GO,” or from those who CAN do 3, “you can do it!,” I worked and worked and one day, I just did it!” And so that child, when pirouettes are done, goes for 3 instead of stopping when I call out, “Okay, now doubles please!” That is the way it works you see: I call for for “singles,” and then “doubles,” and then I say, “For those of you who are interested, lets do triples!” I cannot resist so I do a few triples also. I do that to teach as well. I do it to say, “See, it is done like this,” “It CAN be done,” and it looks like this. There is a special place for athletes that are dancers though, and that bond is unspoken and strong. I feel the strength, in part, is built through people attempting the, (by a Harvard study,) hardest sport on the body, bar none. We, as dancers, attempt the impossible, and transcend the mirrors we see every day until we see it no more.

As I contact my “kids,” who are now adults, I am moved over and over again. Jamie Fey, unchanged from about 12 or 13 when she was my student, still kind, open and expressive. Cassandra Bennett, as strong, smart and committed to what she believes as ever, or Nick Gomez, still the actor he was as a child, but going from those roles of children in film, to doing “Law and Order.” I follow my student Carol Scott, who married, completed a degree and has a child and one on the way, I believe. She is one of the oldest of my students, and I am very proud of her. I see Carol dancing and I always will, I suspect, her long legs so well trained doing her dance in her own way, but with my choreography. Carol developed her own style of dance, but Carol had her own style as a 14 year old dancer, beginning to take the stage.

Each is different and each has a place in my heart. These are experiences that cannot be repeated. Over the years of dancing, performing as a vocalist, doing choreography and directing, and all other forms of art I love, I have been asked to take students again. I decline these offers. I do so because I had such a rich and wonderful time with these young students that I do not feel that I need to repeat that. My youngest student is 18, an adult, and I feel that I have passed a milestone as well.

Yes, I take private students. I take those who are special to me and I will take even those who are not dancers, so teach them poise through dance, or meditation through dance, even therapy that comes from dance. I take private clients to work on image, meaning wardrobe, how to “present,” etc… If they really feel strongly about improving these areas. These people are special to me as well. I have helped a young man summon the courage to apply to an excellent Ballet Corp, and watched him accepted. I even work with some, one on one, with weight issues.

Once or twice, I have been asked by “ladies who lunch,” to teach them to strip in good taste for their husbands and lovers, this, I declined! If the people were right, however, I suspect I would take this challenge as well. What dancers does not know how to choreograph stripping? We all do, but the “taste,” is what counts as with everything artistic.

I cannot find myself in a space, however, to take a group of young people, at least, not yet! I was JUST old enough to have been their parents, if I had become pregnant very young, so they were, as I have said, “my children,” for those hours and hours of dance, rehearsal and costuming. The productions, I’m sure, stick in their minds whenever they hear the songs they danced or see the clothing they wore. I am proud of them and I am grateful. I am grateful for their trust and respect.

They trusted me to know what was best when teaching, or doing choreography. They trusted me when I said, “try again, you CAN do this!” They trusted my taste in costuming and music. Because of this trust, I believe they were gifted by that, and I, in turn, am gifted by them as well.

As much as they drove me nuts sometimes… When we went through the discovery of drugs, sex, and those who, sadly, had parents that I couldn’t stop from standing completely in their way, I love them, and I think they love each other.

I told them often: “You have each other.” “You will NEVER compete with each other, you all have your strengths, “ and most of all, my opening speech: “Anyone who picks on ANYONE in here, is GONE, out, and over, I will NOT have that behavior.” I told them, “You can come to me with any problems but never, ever, attack your fellow company members in anger, come to me, sort things out, but be kind to each other, life out there is hard enough!”

I still feel this way.

I can only end this with one of my favorite letters. This letter is from one Ramonah, a girl in the cast of a play that I choreographed. Ramonah had never done a play, she was strong in her life, a senior in high school with a hair license already but told me that was not “where she was stopping.” Ramona was a “take no B.S. girl/woman with obvious undeveloped talent and a learned love of the stage. She was someone whose part I increased over and over again regarding choreography, and she did each part, and worked it hard! But, when they all, the cast, met me, I appeared to be something I am not. I appeared there in my designer clothing, although they were casual, with my confidence in this area, (theater, choreography,) and Ramonah was the first to “evil eye,” me and challenge me in this way. She did not, however, openly disrespect me so I let it slide. Over the course of weeks of rehearsal, I began to like her a lot and to respect her. I found that she often put herself down. She was pretty, talented, the ONLY one there with an income already, and could care for herself, but she called herself names! She had no really close friends like the other students who ran around together, she was obviously “on her own,” in some way.

She was funny though, and I “put my hand out to her,” knowing why she felt the way she did.

At one point, I showed the group an article about me, one that told of my abuse.

Ramonah said I was the first she ever told. I wanted to stay there in Washington, but I could not. Also, these children were graduating and all going to separate corners.

After the play, which I believe was very good for what there was to work with, Ramonah wrote me on the group card. I had things like this on that card:

Hey!! Thanks for the Tylenol! You rock and made the play SO much better…and fun! Keep in touch!

--signed Kristina Vandershis

“Thank you for everything! We could not have done it without you!

---Kassandra

And from Ramonah, the note that touched me: (And she used the whole back page, she was like that,)

Annalisa,

Well, Where do I begin. You have honestly and truly changed my out look on life. @ first I didn’t like you cause I thought you were a bi*ch, but then I guess I just realized I was the same exact way! I guess that’s why we get along so well. I would have to say you’re one of my favorite “old person,” ß sappy! ( I was, exactly 36 at this time, ha!) Thanx for helping my dreams to come true. Keep in touch, I need someone to talk to again. Thank you, the “slut,”

Skin & Bones forever,

Ramonah.

The above letter still touches me.

With that in mind:

RAMONAH! If you are out there, give me an email! I will send notes all around your area and friends trying to reach you!

-Annalisa, (staying off the corners, as you should! =)

And to everyone: It takes your WHOLE heart to teach a child something REAL. It takes SO much out of you. I find this worth every single irritation I endured.

To Teachers: Thank you.